He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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