maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
