I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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