You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
