i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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