He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you didnt know i had herpes?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
