The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
