so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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