The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
