I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
