I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
