I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
