Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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