i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
