batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
