I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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