i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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