so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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