HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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