it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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