im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
