Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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