Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
