i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
