i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
