Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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