Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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