Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
