Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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