If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I look better un-naked...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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