then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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