I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
