i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
