I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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