You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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