guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
