I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
