Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
