if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
