take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
