i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
