I just saw a hot homeless man
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
