My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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