....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
