Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
