one two three fourrrrnication!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
