And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
