seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
