So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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