i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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