I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize