last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
