Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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