Someone shit on the floor
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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