Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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