Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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